Well…. that’s interesting advice…
Kind of what i do bbut not nearly enough. I don’t feel as though harping on about the same things over and over will help me.. but maybe i should try it as my head continues to fill with thoughts of you that I CAN’T ESCAPE FROM… FUCK… fuck.. fuck… SO many times this week, more than i care to count or remember.. why are you haunting me? would an apology be closure? would and could you even look at me… and see how much i hate myself over what happened and well then theres her… … . . and she’s never going to want to hear about how i truly feel.. that i knew you too… that we stayed up talking all night every night for over a yer but that doesn’t mean shit because she fucking saw you in person and shared a bus seat?? Like fuck you bitch…
I loved him. In many ways and I could have shown that a lot better or dealt with it in a more healthy manner but here i am continuing to vent and write abotu you… YOU.// You you you you you you you youyou youyouo you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you….
You always believed on some level i was fucking crazy and you wanted me to get proper help and i take that as meaning on some level you caared at least a little bit.. but hey maybe you’re correct and i am crazy and need proper help but i’m not shallow as a shower or petty or fickle and i try my hardest to do right and caring with every fiber of my being.… . ..
I hate myself so much for what i know now. That i can never go back and fix what happened. That i might have effected what we did permanently for you and that was never never never never never never never my intention not at all. Never my intention… i just wanted to love you and help you and be in your life even if you didn’t want me there i guess sometimes although especially so much when you did and you told me that and i could see it… and maybe it was me that fucked everything up with all of you and gwfoscdbsifgofihwebfpiegfe
it’s my fault, i shouldn’t have talked to you… i’m sorry.. it’s my fault, you wouldn’t have done it if i hadn’t talked to you. I’m so sorry…
You’ve never seen me when i can’t sleep at three am for no reason and i think my eyes are pretty… you don’t have the power to beckon me back to bed when i want to sit in the moon light in the cold… you don’t even exist yet.
I am going to do better, to be better and to make the best choices i ca n.
what the fuck am i evern doing? why again am i getting into this again? am i getting into this again?
I suffer being lonely and sometimes i revel in the solitude but fuck FUCK fuck….
why am i getting into this again?
I mean what am i EVEN thinking? ? ? ? ? ?
I lvoe you liek i love so many like i love so many and i do love so many of you, all of you, everything. And why wouldn’t it feel the same this time?
I cannot, I am unable i don’t know what to think once again except I KNOW that it IS the FUCKING SAME again. the same again. it’s the same again.
I know what i am. and FUCK YOU for trying to tell me that i couldn’t possibly be that, i can’t fathom how you could be SO RUDE ugh but that is not this and this isn’t that either.. so forget you and i forgive you but fuck. I love you.
When you try your best but you don’t succeed… when you get what you want but not what you need…
You know what? fuck you and your stupid fucking cryptic little statements i mean really? I’ve fucking had it up to here with you :/ I could make a list but in this moment nothing i say will help anything but i sure as fuck know you won’t be the fucker picking up the pieces it’ll be me and that’s good because i’d hate for you to be such a cunt twice. Gosh… I don’t even want to be on Facebook let alone have you on there